The Top 5 Times I Time-Traveled in DJ Khaled’s Body
A lot of people have never traveled through time — and even fewer have had the rare experience of getting to do so in the body of world-famous musical artist DJ Khaled!
But since I’ve been lucky enough to do this on five separate occasions, I thought I’d share my experiences visiting various points on the timeline, in the body of a musician who I so deeply respect. Here are my reviews of those journeys, ranked according to my own personal ratings.
5. The time I went to Renaissance Italy in DJ Khaled’s body
My first-ever time-travel experience involved a lot of surprises — not all of them pleasant! As if the shock of finding myself in Renaissance Italy wasn’t enough, imagine my shock when I looked down and saw I was in DJ Khaled’s body! There was no mistaking the robust midriff, Versace tracksuit and strong hairy hands. A quick glance in a nearby mirror confirmed my suspicion, and I stood for a few moments, admiring my cleanly trimmed beard and aristocratic profile. But suddenly I heard a scream, and turned to see an elegant Renaissance Lady shouting words I didn’t understand because they were in Italian. Then the guards burst through the door and I had to jump out a window to escape. I was glad to return to my own body after that.
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
4. The time I went to ancient Egypt in DJ Khaled’s body
When I got back from that first time-travel trip, I was pretty confused, let me tell you! I was thankful to have my own body back, though. I tried telling my girlfriend I’d been time-traveling in DJ Khaled’s body for the past few hours, but she just said, “That must’ve been exciting” and went into the next room to make a phone call. It wasn’t long until I found myself in ancient Egypt, with pyramids and sand dunes and everything! And I was in DJ Khaled’s body again! I hoped I’d get to be a pharaoh and rock exquisite gold chains, but instead I was only a humble fisherman. Soon I learned to enjoy sailing out on the Nile to cherish the beauty of each day, and to catch fish. The only thing I didn’t like was when the pharaoh’s police came and arrested me for not catching enough fish. After that, I was almost glad to be back in my regular body again.
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
3. The time I went to 1930s Chicago in DJ Khaled’s body
This one came as a bit of a surprise, since I hadn’t time-traveled for a few weeks when it happened. I’d almost forgotten it was even possible, until one day when my girlfriend came to visit, and I got so excited that I time-traveled straight back to the 1930s. There, I felt like I really fit in — especially in DJ Khaled’s body! I hung out at a jazz club, and every time the jazz musicians played a great song, I would nod my head sagely and agree, “Anotha one.” Lots of the 1930s people started saying this viral phrase too, and soon they were buying me shots of Prohibition liquor, and together we celebrated Life and our Success. It was over all too quickly, and soon I was back in my normal body, with my girlfriend nowhere to be seen.
Rating: ★★★☆☆
2. The time I went to the future in DJ Khaled’s body
Shortly after the time I went to 1930s Chicago in DJ Khaled’s body, I was sitting in my doctor’s office and he was asking me lots of confusing questions — so it was a relief to time-travel to the futuristic 25th century, and realize I was in DJ Khaled’s body again! Since this was the future, a lot of people knew who DJ Khaled was, and they venerated me as a great musical genius of a bygone age. I humbly accepted their praise and gratitude, and together we made beats using futuristic beat-making equipment that we controlled directly with our brains. I savored the experience of appreciating the future people’s lasers and brightly colored clothes and loud technological sounds, but before I knew it I was back in my same old body again, wishing I’d gotten to spend more time in the future.
Rating: ★★★★☆
1. The time I went to medieval France in DJ Khaled’s body
By this point, I was accustomed to the fact that when I time-traveled, I would find myself in DJ Khaled’s body. But one thing I wasn’t expecting was to find myself in the middle of a medieval battlefield, with knights in armor charging on majestic stallions whose thundering hooves crushed warriors into shattered human remains. Thinking quickly, I grabbed two axes from a nearby corpse, just in time to defend myself from a swordsman who came lunging at me, screaming some words in French that I didn’t understand. I killed him with the dual axes I dual-wielded, then hacked down many more warriors until the battlefield was saturated with the crimson entrails of my foes. Joyously, I spread my arms and screamed, “WE THE BEST!” But there was no one left alive to hear my blood-soaked howl of victory.
Rating: ★★★★★
